Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Get that thang outta there!

My friend, Miz Meems, works at a hospital here in town. She was blithely minding her own bidness one day, when an intern (nurse? ward commando?) from another department (geriatric-something-or-other) came to request assistance as they were a little short-handed. Meems, always willing to help out, obliged DIrectly.

The intern and Meems go to the room of an elderly woman (we'll call her Madge). Madge is 84, suffering from dementia, and, at the time Meems was there, constipation on top of that. Madge has her lucid moments, but tends to forget things that happened three minutes prior. Dementia, y'know.

So Meems and the intern gently explain to Madge they are going to give her a suppository to help relieve some of her discomfort. Madge is just fine and dandy with this. All's done, they get Madge re-dressed and take her to the common area (where, evidently, other older folk suffering from dementia and what-not mill about and socialize).

Just minutes after arriving in the common area, Madge begins to fidget and it's apparent that something is really bothering her. Before Meems or the intern can ask what is wrong, Madge blurts out at the top of her lungs: "If that son-of-a-bitchin' husband a mine tries to put that thing there again, I'm gonna kill 'im!!"

Now then, this is all Miz Mimi's tale, and the only thing verbatim is Madge's quote. I cannot even pretend to have done this story justice. AND, by the by, NOT making light of dementia and/or older folk. That is my disclaimer. But when Mimi told me the story, snot flew out of my nose. Sorry.

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