Monday, May 22, 2006

Hungry water

The bright red numbers read 1:23. The bedroom floor is smooth and cool as I pad across to the bathroom. Turn on the faucet, let the water flow, feeling the temperature decrease as I imagine tapping into the Silurian aquifer. I let it run over my wrists, gliding from tepid to coldness in only seconds. Cupping my hands, I drink. Deeply.

What was it that woke me? Made me want water? The dog snores lightly from the end of the bed. Did I just dream about drinking water? I'm still thirsty, but no, my lips are not warm. They're moist, but feel chapped almost. I slip back into my dreams...

The clock reads 2:28. I roll over and sigh. The water bottle is empty. The dog has moved and is on one of the pillows. Wasn't I just up an hour ago? Again, craving water. Back into the bathroom turning the tap so it's all the way open. Water is splashing onto my face and arms. Drinking and drinking, until at last I feel sated. Yet once again back in bed, still feeling thirsty, as if I had never moved.

At 3:36, I realize the water is hungry. And I'm just not thirsty enough to get up again.

Who dat snappin' back? |

Saturday, May 13, 2006

I awoke from a dream this morning and said, to no one in particular, "Talk to Gus the glitter pug." The dream had something to do with a not so nice gargoyle that lived in a closet on the front porch, and for whatever reason, at 5:30 this morning I was crawling around on the floor trying to get this picture:

It was important for the world to see the chevrons on Gus' behind. This way, the not so nice gargoyles of the world will not eat your tater tots.

Now, I believe, it is time for some super strength coffee.

Who dat snappin' back? |

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Dinner at 8... or so

I love to cook. I especially love to cook for friends. At times, things go awry.

Last night I, GHOSTRADISH, hosted a small casual dinner party. 'Twas myself and the ever-lovely
neighbors who live across the street, Mark and Victor. My friend, Jason, showed up around 5:30 for a little social call while I was straightening the house and dealing with a very spirited poog, so it seemed an appropriate time to have a beer or two. Because, like I say, it's always a good idea to get some booze in ya before playing with sharp knives.

About an hour later, the boys are all yukking it up, the beer and wine are flowing, the dog is being an attention whore, the cats are angling for skritches, and I'm tossing a salad together. Life is good. My friends are happy and relaxed. A nice breeze is wafting through the kitchen window. Hi Larry! Didja get a new lawnmower? I like the color you picked for your house. Yep, have fun mowin'. See you later.

I'm tickled to be playing the role of hostess. In my house. A house with neighbors, inside and out.

Chop, chop, chop... red pepper, green onions, tomatoes, hearts of palm... all dumped into the baby spinach. Salad done. Heart of palm anyone? Yes, Jason, they're edible. Are you sure you can't stay for dinner? There's plenty. No? Well then, maybe another beer? More wine? No let me. I want you guys to relax. No, I don't need any help.

Slice, slice, slice, salt, salt, salt... eggplants are sweating. Time to socialize and have another drink. Beep, beep, beep... time to flip the eggplant. Flip, flip, flip, salt, salt, salt. Ah, time for another drink and some more socializin'. Beep, beep, beep. Time to rinse the eggplant. Oh, have another beer or a glass of wine, Jason. At least have some cheese and crackers or something. Well, fine. You're gonna miss out. Good luck getting your work done. Talk to you later!

Back into the kitchen. Unwrap and arrange Maytag and table water crackers. Yes, the dog thinks he likes moldy cheese. No, he farts enough as it is. GUS! LEAVE VICTOR ALONE! Chop, chop, chop... cubing the rinsed eggplant. Slice. Wait. That wasn't an eggplant. Oopso poopso... that was my pinky. Now red. Ok, back away from the food. Oh shit, the onion and garlic need stirred. Thanks Mark. Yep, all that eggplant needs cubed. Thanks Victor. Why is this damn thing still bleeding? Here, Mark, slap a bandaid on it. Thanks. I'm fine. Why don't you guys sit down, have another drink, relax. Please. I'm fine. But I think I need another drink. That Bogle old vine zin looks pretty tasty. Slurp... ah yes. That hits the spot.

Hmm... looks like the fusilli is about done. Oh shit. I almost forgot, guys... have a salad. Dig in. No Mark, you can't have that dressing, it has anchovies in it. But here's a doorful of other choices. Gee, this sure is pretty willy nilly, huh? Kinda like that guy Dave on Top Chef, except I'm not crying. Ha! I ain't your bitch, BITCH! Yeah, I think I'll sit down and have a salad while the pasta is finishing up. Oh shit. I completely forgot the garlic bread. Are you sure you don't mind? This looks like it'll be enough? Well... ok. Let's have some more wine. Here, let's open the cabernet.

Oh yay! The pasta is ready. Time to chow, guys! Here's some extra cheese. Salt, pepper? No? Oh shit... I forgot to add the basil. My god, what is my problem? It tastes ok without the basil? Really? Sure wish I had remembered the garlic bread. Oh well. It is what it is. More wine?

Who dat snappin' back? |

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Today is my stepfather's 66th birthday. Like a bad redheaded stepchild, I forgot to mail his card. It's sitting on my desk at work. Bad Angie. So, a gratuitous pic o' the poog...
I love you, Allen.

Who dat snappin' back? |

Thursday, May 04, 2006


My neighbor Bob had a century maple taken down this week. I call it a century maple because this tree was easily four-five stories tall and as big around as three sumo wrestlers. Sucker was huuuuge, is what I'm sayin'.

The pros of this tree's demise are:
1) No more frikkin' maple buds will shower my car, driveway and house. Every time it rains, my downspouts spew this crap out like bloody effluvia.
2) I will not have to rake those leaves out of my yard come fall. For the record, I raked up two huge piles of them last fall... then left them. Yes, I recently purchased some grass seed. I'm going to need it.
3) There will be more sun for my herb garden and the callas.

The cons of this tree's demise are:
1) Everyone who drives on Governor has a view right into my back yard that was previously blocked. All my neighbors will now know with what kind of juice I mix my vodka and the brand of beer I favor.
2) Now I have an extraordinarily ugly view of the street (kind of) and the rental house across the street from Bob.
3) Well, it was a darn pretty tree. I'm sad to see it gone. Plus, all the squirrels are now really confused.

The solution: a trellis. But what to grow?

Who dat snappin' back? |

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