Thursday, March 31, 2005

I found me again, after all this time...

I’m baaaack!!

Heh heh… here’s the deal my peeples: it is as if someone switched on the overhead and all of a sudden TA-DA!! Here I am. I’m not entirely sure how to describe the last few months, but it felt like walking around in some strange blue viscera. Not acting, only reacting. Not living, just being.

But something somewhere got kicked around enough that it has finally clicked. Epiphanies are popping and burgeoning like Jiffy Pop on a hot coil. Seriously, I feel as if my head could just float off into the ether if it wasn’t attached to my neck.

Wanna know the great and insightful thoughts I’ve come to accept? They’re biggies. They’ll change your life. Really. Ok, maybe not. But my life is going to be different. Here’s a few:

I don’t have to live in yesterday. Yeah, yeah. A real no-brainer, eh? But for whatever reason, I’ve been cartin’ around my life’s Magna Carta for YEARS. Why? ‘Cuz I thought it was necessary to remember where I’ve been in order to figure out where I might go. Guess what? That’s all well and fine for history books and the like, but for your own personal growth? Feh!! If I’m going to make the same stupid mistakes over and over, particularly in the love arena, then I’m going to do it. I’m not going to teach my heart to fear or to judge. Screw it. Bring it on! I’m not askeert of making another mess, so long as I know how to clean it up!

I don’t have to do what is expected of me. Another headthwacker, yes? Well, I don’t know who the hell made the rules for ‘Middle-Aged Women’, but this is one handbook I’m tossin’ to the river. I may be 39, but nobody can tell me that I have to act, dress or do things a certain way. I may not be stylish, but I DO have style. If I want to shave my head, dance to the rutabagas in the grocery store or wear a damn mu-mu to work, then by gum that is what I will do. I’ve always been ruled by comfort, and if something doesn’t feel right (clothing or otherwise), I ain’t gonna own it. My bare nekkid personality is what has gotten me this far. Why dress it up now?

I can do whatever I want. That’s right. You heard me. This is, of course, barring those unethical actions like killing somebody for a moon pie or pillaging and plundering small villages just for fun. But I can take myself out on a date and have dinner alone (contentedly). I can tell someone I don’t really care for them as a person, but they’d make a fine dung beetle in my book. I can take the afternoon off work to go dig in the dirt. I don’t EVER have to cow-tow to a supercilious twit just because the bourgeosie say so. And I sure as hell don't have to conform to whatever the vogue says is the shit.

In other words, my friends:
Laugh a lot, love a lot and live life to the fullest. Why’re you saving yourself for later?

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