Saturday, March 10, 2007

How many Cooters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I woke up at 5:30 this morning after a particularly vivid dream of eating cereal floating in vodka with Adam Levy in a warehouse. That was a bar. And I'd already knocked a drink on him, but offered to give him six dollars and fifty cents to have his trousers cleaned. He kissed my cheek and told me I was cute as a bug. Then Tom Petty showed up and started eating my cereal.

And that's when Gus resettled his poop chute near my face and let 'er rip.

As I wallowed, half asleep, in the stench of my dog's methane, I started thinking about spring cleaning. This is something I usually do in the fall. But, my mind a-roil with thoughts of household discipline, I bumble my way through the house, like a rat in a maze, to the bonny goodness at the other end of the journey: coffee. Funny thing is, three of four lights I flipped on the way just popped. Burned out. Fizzled. Dark. So I just finished replacing three light bulbs. Thrilling, ain't it? Evidently, I thought enough of it to tell you all about it. So there.

In other news, my mom (MRS. FREENBEAN) and stepdad (DICKWEED) are moving to Iowa City next Friday. No, it's not a sudden thing... just the first time I've mentioned it? Is it? Anyway, they've got a condo on the Other Side of the river (close to my sister's place) they'll be renting for awhile until they get a feel for the part of town they want to buy in. MRS. FREENBEAN wants a house with a yard; DICKWEED wants a condo. Bets on who gets what they want?

Anyway. This'll be a good thing. Mom will be plantin' some stuff in my yard, and that will be great for me. The woman's got green hands. I will NOT lack for big, juicy tomatoes this year. Plus, I've got a built-in dogsitter and sis has a babysitter living about five blocks from her.

All good, yes? Yes. The only sad thing is no more Dome Home. No more sitting on the dock while a big ol' Iowa thunderstorm rolls in from the west. No more watching little fawns frolic in the back pasture. No more "doing the chickens" (which sounds pornographic but really means "hunting out all the strange places they'd lay their eggs"). No more mushroom hunting in the woods on the other side of the lane. (Of course, they didn't sell off that parcel, so chances are Mom'll go one more time this year and I just KNOW she will share her morels).

The times... they is a-changin'...

So there you have it. Stay tuned. Next time maybe I'll tell you about the bit of vacation time I'll be taking this summer to paint my house. AFTER the fence painting party Larietta keeps threatening to have. Who knew I needed a fence intervention?

Oh, and the answer to the first question of this post: one. Always only one. Play nice 'til next time.

So I take it you're not overly thrilled with your step dad? At least you have your Mom close by. Is there still snow out your way? It's hard to imagine that soon you'll be planting!
Ha! Actually, that's just his nickname. I love my stepdad (and he chose the name himself). My nickname with them is GHOSTRADISH. Ten points if you can guess the book these names come from! Anyway, yeah, there's still a little snow, but it should be gone by the end of this week. Right now my back yard is a frikkin' pond. Soon, things need to be prepared... tilling, turning the leaves over, getting doggy-proof fencing... I can't wait!
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