Sunday, May 16, 2004

Another embarrassing story

So many to choose from... but today I've decided to tell you one of the many stories of my innate gracelessness. Onced upon a time when I was just a silly little thang, I was engaged to a boy who didn't appreciate the fullness of my wonderfullness. So, we broke up. It absolutely shattered me. But one day I decided to show him what he was missing out on. I went to an expensive boutique here in town, bought myself one of the most flattering outfits I could find (I might still be paying this thing off and I haven't fit into it for YEARS), and went home to doll up. Damn, I looked hot! So, this guy worked downtown at a place on the ped mall that had huge windows overlooking the whole area. Here I am strolling leisurely by his place of business in my hot bitch outfit, and decide to bound gracefully (like a gazelle, no less) down the very shallow steps of said ped mall directly in front of his place of business. Well, it was a windy day. And did I mention that my hot bitch outfit was comprised of a low-cut, form-fitting-with-a-flare, sleeveless number and elephant pants? Once again, did I mention that it was windy? As I was 'bounding', my left foot got caught up in my right pant leg, and I went full goose bozo sprawling toward a bed of daisies. You know how when you trip and you're just propelled forward by the sheer force of your clutziness? Well, my push-up bra pushed up about an acre of daisies. I couldn't do anything for a full two minutes other than just lie face down in this flower bed and pretend to myself that I was having a bad dream. Unfortunately, a really good lookin' guy gave me a very real hand up, all the while laughing his ass off as I picked earth out of my nose, my bra, my hair.. and then I looked over to the window where my ex-fiance was standing, also laughing. Moral of the story? NEVER try to be something you're not. I will never in my life try to be graceful again; it just doesn't wear well on me...

Wearing a push-up bra? You tart!
Even if it didn't have anything to push up... sigh.
I was wondering; you said, "I might still be paying this thing off...." So what happened to the outfit? Were you able to return it daisy stains and all?
Nah, it's still lurking in my closet somewhere... just waiting for me to find it and get all depressed that I'm no longer that svelte.
Silly rabbit…elephants aren’t graceful! Nothing gazelle-like about them…but zebras on the other hand are a completely different story! Hope you and your push up bra full of daisies are having a wonderful day.

How was the chicken?

Well I best keep my mouth shut or something bad will happen…stupid karma. Remember that discussion about quarters? Well the price of said beer went up by 1 quarter yesterday…ugh!!! Anyways…I sure hope I don’t meet a supermodel and live happily ever after today. I’ll say it again…there’s NO way I’ll meet a supermodel and live happily ever after today. Did whatever god who is trying to ruin my life hear that???

See…I’m no blog stocker. I’ve posted now. So pffffft…
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