Cootersnap!

Damn blogger.

I wrote a ginormous post about the sheer beauty of Iowa and

Blogger

Done

Et

It.

I hates me some Blogger.

A post in which I write nothing pertinent or interesting (and completely rip off my friend Mush's writing style... for the first sentence only).

So, hey all. Thanks to those of you who still check in from time to time while I've been on my little 'break'. The new job is going well... just finished my sixth week yesterday. It's an ongoing lesson in bureaucracy, but once I capture the pace it'll go more smoothly. Until then, I'll continue bulldozing my way through things, pounding my head on my desk, and generally being surprised at how things works in The System. And in one year, ten and a half months, I'll be off probation (yes, there is a mandatory two-year probation period for this type of position). Crazy.

In other news, the Iowa Hawkeyes are playing a football game today. It's away, which is my favorite kind of Hawk game. I'm working at the bar and hope it'll be fun (read: good tips). A group of my friends/regulars is bringing in food which translates into "I don't have to eat another G's cheeseburger for lunch" and you don't understand the utter joy I feel because of that. And then, at 6:30 bartime, I get to plop my ass down and quaff some cold ones. Yep, Saturday at 6:30 is my absolute favorite time of the week when I'm staring the Rest Of My Weekend head-on.

Tomorrow a group of us are making dinner again for the homeless shelter. Yours truly is in charge of the scalloped potatoes. It's a fun thing to do. If the weather cooperates, I may try to mow the lawn one last time and plant my iris bulbs.

Wow... this is uber boring. My apologies for my first regular post in months reading like a "What I Did on Summer Vacation" paper. So what're you all doing on your Wheekend Vacation?

I wanted to write a tribute. But I can't.

I wanted to post his picture. But I can't.

I wanted to bring him back to life. But I can't.

It's been a year. And I miss him. And I don't talk about it. I just drink. And not talk about it. Act like it never happened and pretend that it was for the best. That it was his life and he lived it and loved it and snuffed it.

He was my brother. And I wanted to write a tribute.

But I can't.

October 14, 2005. It was the first night spent in my first house. This house. I remember that afternoon. It was warm and sunny. I was waiting for the bed to be delivered. Nothing else was here, really. The next day was the Big Move.

I sat on the hardwood floor in the living room and looked out the windows. They had been cleaned in anticipation of a sale. Ladybug-lookalike beetles peppered the front of the house, pinging into the windows and the clapboard. Some of the little bastards got inside... the windows aren't so very flush. I got pinched by one. I wasn't dreaming.

The big truck pulled up. Two guys set up the bed. My first new bed in my adult life. Pillow top. After they left, I just rested there, akimbo. Quiet. I'd forgotten what it sounded like. I could hear birds. A lawnmower in the distant. What I didn't hear was raucous laughter, the jukebox, ashtrays clattering.

That night I returned with a coffee pot, a mug... supplies for the morning. And a pizza. I sat on the floor again, ate my Pagliai's Palace Special, and listened to the sounds of the neighborhood settling in. Later, floating on the pillow top, I wondered how I'd ever get used to the quiet hum of my new surroundings.

So much has happened in the 365 days since I've been here. I still haven't lost the feeling I get when I turn the key in the lock. Or when I pull clean sheets and blankets up around my ears and cocoon myself in the calm.

Four days later, the happiness I felt was taken over by a sadness so deep. And an anger I've never known.

here is my friend to t alk to you........ i am not able. Able. Yes, Iam. Unwilling. That's it. Here is Mark:

So follows a defintion of WILL.


Will: will1  /wɪl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[wil] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation auxiliary verb and verb, present singular 1st person will, 2nd will or (Archaic) wilt, 3rd will, present plural will; past singular 1st person would, 2nd would or (Archaic) wouldst, 3rd would, past plural would; past participle (Obsolete) wold or would; imperative, infinitive, and present participle lacking.
–auxiliary verb
1.
am (is, are, etc.) about or going to: I will be there tomorrow. She will see you at dinner.
2.
am (is, are, etc.) disposed or willing to: People will do right.
3.
am (is, are, etc.) expected or required to: You will report to the principal at once.
4.
may be expected or supposed to: You will not have forgotten him. This will be right.
5.
am (is, are, etc.) determined or sure to (used emphatically): You would do it. People will talk.
6.
am (is, are, etc.) accustomed to, or do usually or often: You will often see her sitting there. He would write for hours at a time.
7.
am (is, are, etc.) habitually disposed or inclined to: Boys will be boys. After dinner they would read aloud.
8.
am (is, are, etc.) capable of; can: This tree will live without water for three months.
9.
am (is, are, etc.) going to: I will bid you “Good night.” –verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
10.
to wish; desire; like: Go where you will. Ask, if you will, who the owner is.

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Yes, Iam. Unwilling.

1. An obvious contradiction of terms based on def. #1. WILL= AM. I " am. Unwilling," therefore 'i am un-am.' makes no sense.

2. You can be assured that our beloved Ang WILL soon do right. "Cooter WILL blog."

3. Don't we all recall our first visit to the principal? mine was in 3rd grade when I drew pictures all through my math book. I recall the inner cover was done with a perfect representation of the Quaker Oats guy surrounded by hundreds of happy face balloons. I was terrified when my teacher told me to report to Mr. Hovey. Oh my god, Mr. Hovey was, after all, an elder in our church. I thought, "Jesus Christ, I am truly screwed." My parents got called to the school and, after everyone saw the ridiculousness of the illustrations, there was some laughter, a bit of sierious consideration and then I was suddenly enrolled in art classes.

4. People are always expecting stuff. "I expect my plants WILL die if i don't water them."

5. People talk all the time. So have you heard?

6. I WILL often see Ang out my front window. I have the video.

7. Boys WILL be boys. Those damned boys. someone should really do something about it.

8. So WILL all the plants we forgot to plant this summer. (yeah, right)

9. This reminds me of the neighbor lady that always threatened to call the cops on us when I was 8."I'm calling the police." She'd say when we'd run down the street in front of her house. ."I'm calling the police." She'd say as we rode our bikes in her driveway. ."I'm calling the police." She'd say when we climbed the huge mountain of dirt from the addition to her house. That time I just looked at her and said, " You're just trying to scare us. " She just laughed.

10. I wish... I desire. I WILL Ang to post soon.